How to Build Confidence As a Neurodivergent Teen

Sometimes, being neurodivergent means that you will have more confidence issues compared to your neurotypical friends. This article will help you build confidence as a neurodivergent teenager.

Part 1 - Accepting Your Neurodivergence

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→ Take time to reflect. Finding out that you aren't neurotypical can take a toll on you, and knowing that being neurodivergent comes with its own challenges, it can be very tough to understand that there isn't anything wrong with you.

→ Do some meditation, and relax. Meditation can help you loosen up, and feel more relaxed.

→ Start dancing, drawing or writing! It can be very helpful to express your feelings towards your diagnosis.

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→ Talk to a trusted family member or friend. Try talking to a good listener about your feelings, especially if you're having trouble accepting yourself. Find a quiet time, and ask them if it's a good time to talk to them about some things. Here are some examples of ways you can bring up the topic:

→ "Could we talk a bit about my ADHD diagnosis? I'm kind of dealing with a lot of feelings all tangled up in me now, and I could really use a sounding board and some good advice."

→ "Mom, I read something really upsetting about borderline personality disorder. Could you read this with me, and tell me if it's true? I'm not in a great place emotionally right now, and I could really use a voice of reason."

→ "I've been feeling down lately. I'm worried about what it'll be like, trying to get a job when I'm autistic. Could we talk about this?"

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→ Read about your diagnosis from accurate websites and books. Some sources have helpful information about disabilities, while others spread stigma. Stay far away from groups that use fear-based fundraising tactics; they say things that are unkind and untrue.

→ Look for groups that have disabled people at all levels of the organization, include resources for neurodivergent adults as well as parents, and spread positivity instead of stigma.

→ To check a website or group's reputation, you can type "_____ controversy" or "_____ ableism," filling the name in the blank.

→ Avoid blogs and organizations that demean people with disabilities, like Autism Speaks.

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→ Learn to appreciate the positives of your neurodivergence, if there are any. Some conditions, like mental illnesses, may not have any upsides to you. But other conditions come with good aspects. Try doing a little research, and learning about any positive traits associated with your disability. Here are some examples:

→ People with ADHD can be creative, insightful, funny, caring, good at problem solving, and more.

→ Autistic people can be helpful, genuine, insightful, loyal, good at logical thinking, and more.

→ People with dyslexia can be good at spotting details, seeing the big picture, thinking creatively, and more.

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→ Talk to neurodivergent people online. Meeting other neurodivergent people can be very helpful! Whether you're autistic, have ADHD, anxiety or anything else—There is a community for you!

→ On Tumblr, you can check out the #ActuallyNeurodiverse and the #Neurodiversity tag. Also check for tags related to your specific condition, like #ActuallyADHD or #PseriouslyPsychotic.

→ On Instagram, you can check out positivity accounts for your disorder/disability.

→ On Facebook, you can join support groups.

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→ Join a support group. Meeting people with a shared experience can help you understand you're not alone. Many support groups may be geared towards parents, but you will still be able to find a few.

→ Make sure the support group doesn't support ableist beliefs.

Part 2 - Taking Action

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→ Talk to your therapist or psychiatrist about your diagnosis. Talking to them will help you understand yourself and your brain a bit better. Ask them about what kind of therapies you can go to, to help with your social life and education.

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→ Ask your school for accommodations. You will be more successful if you ask for help. School should be tailored to your needs, especially if you're neurodivergent. You should be given a chance to succeed, even if that means things will be a bit different for you.

→ You can get a 504 plan, which is a plan laying out how the school will provide support for you as a student with a disability. It will help ensure you have equal access to the general education curriculum.

→ You can also get a IEP, which is a map that lays out the program of special education, supports, and services you may need to succeed in school.

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→ Know what you can and can't handle. Make sure you know what you're able to do, and what you should skip. If you have sensory issues, you may want to avoid parties. If you have PTSD, you may want to avoid triggering content.

→ Take trigger warnings seriously. If you see a trigger warning related to something that upsets you, pause for a moment and evaluate whether you're in a good place emotionally.

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→ Communicate your needs to other people. Practice being assertive, using "I" language, and using the nonviolent communication style to explain your needs. Calmly and clearly explain what you need, and make a polite request. Most reasonable people will listen to you. Here are some examples:

→ "I can hear your music all the way from my room. I'm having trouble concentrating. Would you please turn it down or put on headphones?"

→ "Hey, sis, please don't sneak up on me. I know you like to jump out at people and startle them near Halloween. But because of my PTSD, I can get panicky, so please don't do that to me. It wouldn't be fun. Now, I know that our brother is okay with being startled, so if you want, I could help you scare him!"

→ "If the grocery store is crowded, I might get overwhelmed. I don't want to cry or have a panic attack in the store, and I know you don't want that either. If I notice I'm not doing great, could I ask you for the car keys and wait for you in the car?"

→ "I know you want me to wash the dishes. But I'm having sensory overload and I need to hide in my room. Do you want me to do it later tonight, or should I have my brother do it, and do the dishes for him tomorrow?"

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→ Find a few people to have your back. Clearly communicating your needs is an important skill, but unfortunately, not every person is a good listener. Identify (or go look for) a few people who take your needs seriously, and can back you up if other people don't believe you. Turn to these people to help if you're having trouble advocating for yourself, or if someone refuses to listen to you.

Part 3 - Dealing with Bullies

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→ Know that it isn't your fault. Bullies choose to be bullies, but you don't choose to be neurodivergent. Being yourself, or asking for accommodations isn't a bad thing, and they have no right to shame you for it!

→ Bullies might bully others because they want to feel powerful or superior. They do it because of a problem with themselves, not because of a problem with you. They are responsible for their actions.

→ Sometimes, adults are bullies. The fact that they're older or more powerful than you doesn't make them right. You don't deserve to be bullied, no matter who the bully is.

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→ Read up on some articles to know how to deal with bullies. There are many good articles, especially on wikiHow, to help you avoid bullies.

→ How to Handle Being Bullied As Someone with Social Anxiety

→ How to Stop a Person From Bullying You

→ How to Handle a High School Bully

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→ Talk to other people about what's going on. Suffering in silence will only isolate you more. Tell trusted friends and family members that you're being bullied. They can offer comfort, advice, and support for reporting the problem. You don't deserve to be bullied, and having support from other people can help ensure you don't forget that.

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→ Know the best way to report a bully. Bullying is a serious problem, and it should not happen (at school, or anywhere else). Unfortunately, not all adults take it seriously. While there's no guarantee, you can improve the chances that adults will listen. Explain to them what the bully did, how that affected you, and what you have done so far to try to handle it. Avoid name-calling towards the bully (even if you're saying things that are true). Instead, ask the adult for advice. Here are some examples:

→ "At lunch, Melanie mocks my fidgeting and calls me the r-word. Other people laugh. Usually, I hide my face and cry because I feel so awful. It's making it hard for me to focus in school, and my stomach hurts whenever I think of it. Please help me."

→ "Gus has been making comments that really freak me out. He tells me that he can 'fix' me and turn me straight. Once he backed me against the wall and trapped me there with his arms. I was so terrified, I pushed him away and ran. I don't feel safe anymore, and I can barely focus. Please help me."

→ "This group of kids on the bus has been throwing things at me. They call me fat and stupid, and they make ugly faces at me. It's making me dread coming to school each day. I tried ignoring them and putting on headphones, but they just get louder. Can you help me deal with this? If it helps, I don't know their names, but I could point out their faces if I saw a photo."