How to Avoid Victim Blaming

Victim blaming is an attitude that causes individuals to blame victims for bad things that happen to them. The victims of any crime or misfortune may be subjected to victim blaming, but the attitude is an especially common reaction to incidents of sexual assault and domestic violence. Victim blaming may be a defensive mechanism that people use to help themselves believe that the world is a safer place than it really is, but it can be extremely damaging to the victims, so it is important to become more self-aware and avoid holding victims responsible.

Part 1 - Challenging Your Biases and Assumptions

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→ Accept that the world is not fair. Oftentimes, people want to believe that good things happen to good people, which can lead them to also believe that bad things only happen to bad people. It's important to recognize your tendency to rationalize suffering in this way and actively work to change it.

→ Try to change the way you think about all kinds of misfortune, not just crime victims. For example, many people who blame the victims of sexual assault also blame people who are afflicted by poverty or disease. All of these kinds of blame stem from the same core belief that bad things only happen to people who deserve them.

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→ Realize that it could happen to you. Victim blaming is often used as a defense mechanism by people who want to believe that they could never become the victim of such a crime. This causes them to focus almost entirely on the characteristics and actions of the victims when assessing the reason for the attack. Distance yourself from this kind of thinking by reminding yourself that you are not that different from the victim and could just as easily have been the victim of a crime.

→ Don't forget to think about outside circumstances. These are often things that the victim has no control over at all, and they are much more likely to contribute to the attack than anything the victim did.

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→ Don't assume consent was given. Many people make the false assumption that a victim consents to violence by failing to fight back or tell the perpetrator to stop, but this does not imply consent at all. You would not blame a robbery victim for failing to tell the robber to stop robbing them, so you should not blame the victim of sexual assault or domestic violence for not fighting back.

→ "Tolerating" abusive treatment by not leaving an abusive partner does not constitute consent.

→ Having a previous consensual sexual encounter with the attacker does not imply consent for future sexual encounters.

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→ Recognize the absurdity of prevention strategies. While there are some steps that individuals may be able to take to increase their personal safety, it's important to realize how unrealistic it is to expect victims to effectively prevent attacks. It is simply impossible to anticipate every bad thing that may happen, and just as impossible to protect oneself against all of these bad things.

→ Many risk reduction strategies are simply impractical. For example, staying inside and never socializing with other people may reduce a person's risk of being sexually assaulted, but this is not a reasonable thing to ask of a person. The more closely you examine other prevention strategies, the more problems you will likely identify with them.

→ Many other strategies may be completely ineffective, even if they are implemented correctly. Keep in mind that people may still be the victims of violent crimes even if they take all reasonable precautions to protect themselves.

Part 2 - Shifting Blame to the Perpetrator

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→ Remember that the perpetrator made a choice. Many people effectively absolve perpetrators of responsibility by assuming that they were not in control of their actions at the time of the attack. No matter what the circumstances, remind yourself that the perpetrator actively chose to execute the attack.

→ Even if it seems like the perpetrator is for some reason predisposed to violence, keep in mind that he or she had to make specific decisions in order to target the victim. If the behavior was truly uncontrollable, it would be displayed with no regard to victim, location, or time.

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→ Do not believe the perpetrator's excuses. People who commit violent acts against others often rationalize their behavior by making a variety of excuses, many of which attempt to place the blame wholly or partly on the shoulders of the victim. If you hear such a rationalization, remind yourself that there is no valid excuse for perpetrating a violent crime.

→ Using alcohol or drugs is not an excuse for attacking another person.

→ Some excuses directly blame the victim. For example, the perpetrator may say that the victim antagonized the crime by insulting the perpetrator. Even if this is true, it is not a valid excuse.

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→ Understand that only the perpetrator can prevent an attack. Just as the perpetrator is the only person who can choose to commit the crime, he or she is also the only person who could have prevented it. If you find yourself thinking about various steps that the victim could have taken to prevent the attack, remind yourself that the only thing that would have effectively prevented the attack would have been the perpetrator's deciding not to commit it.

→ The victim of an attack could not have prevented the attack by dressing or behaving differently, but the perpetrator could have definitely prevented the attack by behaving differently.

→ If a survivor of domestic violence stays with an abuser after an initial attack, remind yourself that there are a variety of factors that may have caused the victim to stay. This may be difficult for a person who has never been in the situation to understand, but it is crucial not to judge.

Part 3 - Avoiding Unintentional Victim Blaming

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→ Be careful about the kind of language you use. The language you use to describe the violence may unintentionally reflect tendencies of victim blaming. For example, if you phrase a sentence so that the victim is the subject of the sentence, you are unwittingly emphasizing the victim's role in the crime.

→ Instead of saying, "Mary was raped" or, "Mary is a battered woman," consider using the active voice to emphasize the perpetrator's agency. Saying something like, "A rapist attacked Mary" or, "John abused Mary" shifts the focus from the victim to the perpetrator.

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→ Ask the right questions. When you hear about an attack, try asking questions about the perpetrator's behavior instead of asking questions about the victim's behavior. Focusing too much on the victim may cause you to unintentionally blame him or her for the crime.

→ In domestic violence situations, try to avoid asking questions like, "Why did the wife stay if her husband was beating her?" Instead ask, "Why did the husband beat his wife?"

→ If you are speaking with victims, never ask them why they did or did not respond to the attacks in a specific way.

→ It's important to be conscious not only of the questions that you ask others out loud, but also about the questions that you may keep to yourself. If you find yourself wondering what role the victim played in the crime, remind yourself that the perpetrator's actions are more important.

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→ Avoid giving advice for how to avoid attacks. Even though you may mean well by giving a person advice about safety and self-defense, you are unintentionally implying that the victim has the power to prevent an attack. In reality, only an attacker has the power to prevent an attack, so shifting this responsibility to victims can cause them to feel at fault if the tactics do not work.

TIPS

→ Survivors of violent crimes can benefit from being around lots of supportive people who understand the pitfalls of victim blaming. If you know a survivor, encourage him or her to reach out to a therapist or join a support group.